Hello there! I'm single again!

someone please kill me now

I feel like shit, really. Not because I was dumped (I wasn't) but because I broke up with Tony. And I feel bad. DX

I know I shouldn't have said that I'd go out with him even though I had told myself "No more boyfriends! D:<" but I did anyway and then I realised "Oh, shit, what do I do now?". Break up with him, of course. And so I did. And now I feel bad. DDDDX <-all my fault

I feel like pulling my hair out or doing something else equally melodramatic. *flail*

ARGH!!! He just smiled and said something like "I knew this was going to happen/this always happens" and I went all TT__TT and I feel like I was babbling like an idiot and why do I keep on saying like, and, and feel? *sob*
NOTHAPPYNOTHAPPYNOTHAPPYNOTHAPPYNOTHAPPYNOTHAPPYINTHELEASTBITARGHIWANTTOHURTMYSELFORSOMETHING!

"Are we still friends?" *cries* I feel like some evil hideous creature/beast. ;_;

After that I was grinning from ear to ear going "I feel so very lovely! I am so wonderful! SOMEBODY KILL ME NOW!" Donovan was all, No, that's bad! or something. I don't know. He was nice, as usual, and I DID NOT DESERVE IT.

So, yes, I do not have a very high opinion of myself. Oh, bugger. :D <-lookit my smile! It means everything is a-OK!

I can't wait until I feel better so that I can flirt to my heart's content. O_o ...

Does this mean I'm not half as sad/upset as I make myself out to be? Gosh, I feel heartless. (srsly, tho i do)

___________________________________

I saw Ashley(sp?). More on that later!

Sooo, I have a crush on the dude that sits next to me during English...  And, yeah, not much to say besides that.  'Course it's a crush that borders slightly as fangirling...  >_< 

It's odd.  I haven't really crushed on anyone in a while now.  Not since last year.  I mean, the only reason I was interested in Anthony was 'cause he told me he liked me...  Ehh... I don't want to be in a relationship anyway.  I don't think I'd make a good girlfriend, I think I'd just end up using them for their body like in my last (and only) "serious" relationship.  Yep.  I use them for their bodies.  >_>;; 

Like Chris.  He was a nice guy I suppose, but I if I'm honest (and I make a point in being honest) I really didn't like him or care about him all that much.  I mean, I liked kissing him and stuff, but other then that nada.  Nothing.  Well, he was hot.  So yeah, not girlfriend material. 

I'm also suffering from writer's block.  Totally sucks.  I want to write crack but I've noticed that most of my ideas are really serious shit and while I want to write about it I can't seem to put it down.  Also, my mom's being all RAWR right now.  I thought her new job calmed her down a bit but I guess not really. 

I have a feeling a very big part of her mood is my fault.  *headdesk* 

I wrote some poetry, though, which I haven't done fore a very long while.  They're more personal than a lot of the stuff I've done lately and I'm wondering whether that's a good or bad thing.  I think it means that I'm being more honest/open with myself when it comes to my "art" and if that's the case then YAY!!  XDDD 

I feel like I'm growing up and that scares me sometimes.