"What are you doing messing around on the computer?  I thought you were writing an essay.  If you don't finish in twenty minutes, I'm gonna kick your ass." 

Really, mom, just how immature are you?  How the hell do you expect me to write a fucking essay in under twenty minutes?  Obviously you were smoking crack or something because that is the only logical explanation can come up with for your horrendously inane comment.  Yes, I am wasting some time on the computer because I can't think of anything to write at the moment.  No, I can not possibly finish three body paragraphs and a conclusion in under twenty minutes.   Thank you and good night, Ms. Daughter-dearest-can-you-please-write-my-resumé. 

And to think that Once Upon a Time I thought I had a good relationship with my mother.  *snort*